An ode to the uni group chat

TLDR; for the love of all that is good, check moodle.

It’s a Thursday in mid-July and you’re preparing to start the next chapter of your life as a real-life, all drinking, all romancing university student. Naive and eager to throw yourself into student life, you scour Facebook for freshers’ pages, until you finally stumble across that holy grail, as many have before you: the first-year course group chat. You brace yourself in anticipation, your membership is approved, and you’re greeted by what can only be described as major 2013 Omegle vibes: “Hey! Age? Pronouns? Location? What else are you studying?” And if you’re lucky enough to have opted for the ever-employable English Literature degree, you may even be asked for your Goodreads addy. 

Perhaps you were a little wiser than me and got out while you still had the chance, or at the very least learned how to use the mute function pretty early on. But, if you’re anything like me (and I like to imagine I’m a relatable character) you’re still somewhat involved in that same chat now, with its unrecognisable icon, and a name that you vaguely remember as being funny in the context it was created but now just makes it even more difficult to find when you’re looking to bump someone’s sources. They have their perks, sometimes there’s nothing better than taking to the group chat and ripping the arse out of the lecturer who just can’t keep your attention. It helps to know that other people are thinking along the same lines as you for that assignment due the following week. Now more than ever, it’s comforting to have a space to talk with your peers about the absolute shitshow that is zoom university; a reminder that you aren’t alone. 

More often than not, however, you’ll open one of these chats and find yourself hit with a massive wave of deja vu: hasn’t someone already asked this today? Scroll up two or three messages and you’ll find that, yes, they have. And if someone’s feeling snarky enough, they’ll make that clear with a passive-aggressive “scroll up the chat”. 

Well, dear reader, I am here to answer those burning questions so that you aren’t met with a blunt response from that know-it-all on your Literary Theory course. Here we go: 

1. Why is the zoom link not working? 

Make sure you’re clicking on the right one. I had the misfortune of attempting to join a seminar two days early back in September, which is a little intense, even for my Type A personality. If that’s not the problem, blame the shit heap that is MyGlasgow and venture back to bed. 

2. When is this due? 

I see you too have also neglected your overpriced academic planner this semester. Check Moodle. 

3. How do we reference?

See the style guide on Moodle. 

4. Our marks are due back today, why aren’t they out? 

Sweet summer child, haven’t you learned not to expect markers to meet the deadlines? 

5. How do I do a bibliography? 

See the answer to question three. 

6. Has anyone actually started this? Has anyone done the reading?

Yes, but they’ll say no and lull you into a false sense of security. Don’t trust anyone, not even yourself. 

7. Where is the reading? Where are you finding these sources? 

See Moodle. 

8. Is anyone else struggling with this? 

The answer is always yes. No matter how awful you feel you’re doing, take comfort in the likelihood that someone else is also hiding under their duvet contemplating throwing in the towel and bogging off to Salou with the last of their student loan. University is hard; even for that all-knowing, high-scoring, omnipresent figure in the Film chat. You are not alone.