I was sitting in the Round Reading Room pretending I knew what I was doing for a big deadline yet again when I noticed that the same image was on everybody’s screens. Apparently there’s some confusion about a dress.
Folks, EXAMS START IN 8 WEEKS. You don’t have time to be worrying about this. You don’t have time to sleep, eat or shower, to talk to friends. You don’t have time to look outside, stroke kittens, enjoy a fine Merlot or even put up with the existence of other people. THIS IS IT. This is crunch time, the final nine yards and some other kind of football analogy. You need to be on this 100%, or 200% if you get your Mum to help. The only reason you should be on the internet is to find ‘Cure for Dissertation’ or ‘Energy Drink that Teaches You Calculus’. Get on with it!
It’s not just you that’s being harmed by this. I really didn’t need any more uncertainty in my life, but now I don’t know whether colours work any more. The only perception trick I need is to make these journal articles magically interesting, not ‘Is It Gold or Black?’. We live in an uncertain times. New threats have come onto the horizon and established orders are threatened by an ever-changing world of instant communication. You know who’s reading all these dress posts? The NSA. And GCHQ. And all those other shady intelligence types (they all think it’s Gold, the bastards). We should probably be talking about that.
Because discourse on the internet should be free and fair, our opinions unmonitored by states or other parties. Bluers and Whiters must unite to overthrow the established order, to cast those in power into the chains they have held us in since time immemorial. As one people we should be proud to stand and say ‘We Have Nothing To Lose But Buzzfeed’ We can’t let these petty disagreements distract us from humanity’s egalitarian destiny and begin the Clickbait Revolution.
But seriously, if you’re in the library and looking at this then get out. I have 40 Credits of Lab Report due on Thursday.