Thoughts on an epidemic

Published

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Thomas Hay
Writer

Those of you who know me will be aware that I’m not usually one for saying what I think about things, but there’s something I really have to get off my chest.

I think that quite frankly, enough is enough. After everything that’s happened, it’s time to speak up. Nobody wants to say it, so I will. No doubt the overly sensitive, politically correct brigade will be out in force to shut me down, but I don’t care. I’m just saying what those of us who haven’t already been brainwashed by the media’s toxic agenda have been thinking all along. We need to close our borders now. Kevin Hart is not funny.

I’m not interested in having a debate with those people who think he is funny, because I don’t want to hear any of it. It doesn’t matter what it was that kick started his career, or what the circumstances were before someone else kick started his career, all I know is that it’s only a matter of time before the frightening popularity of this disgusting man and everything he stands for reaches us here in Britain.

I think we should go further than that though. I think that after we’ve closed off our borders to Kevin Hart, we should go over to America and take the fight to Kevin Hart and his savage band of followers. I’m not interested in facts, or figures, or sensitive geopolitical influences that may or may not be at play here, because I don’t know anything about those things. I’ve just made my mind up based on what I’ve seen, and I think that we should destroy Kevin Hart by any means necessary. Just destroy him. Drop a big bomb right on his stupid fucking face. If it was up to me, that’s what we would be doing. He wouldn’t get the chance to have it happen on his terms, either. Like, I bet you any money if that happened in one of his films he’d probably have some kind of punchline ready for just as the bomb was falling. He’d say “Aww hell no” or something like that. And then he’d like, get thrown into a big pile of elephant shite or something, like head first, and then he’d be screaming, and his stupid little legs would be flailing about as he struggled to free his tiny upper body from the massive pile of putrid elephant shite, and then a dog or something would come along and pee on him and he’d be screaming even louder, and nobody in the audience would even be asking why there was a big pile of elephant shite right next to Kevin Hart’s house in the first place. They’d just completely go along with it, eating their popcorn and laughing uproariously like the dogs they are, as if there’s just big piles of elephant shite lying around everywhere, like that’s something we should just accept.

If we don’t close our borders now, this is exactly the kind of thing that will be happening in the UK. The other possibility is of course that none of that would happen. To be honest, I’m not actually that familiar with a lot of his work and I’ve done absolutely no research, so I’m probably not in a position to comment on what we should be doing with regards to this particular issue.