What will 2030 at Glasgow University look like?

Glasgow University

Credit: Glasgow Guardian / Madeleine Baker

Jordan Hunter
Reporter

Bold predictions for what the university will be like in the next 10 years.

The University is constantly changing in every way: we have a new building under construction, we’ve seen the gutting of Western Infirmary, and we have seen attitude changes about the student unions. We can’t possibly know what will happen, but here are some bold, and I mean bold, ideas of what could happen.

QMU will be absorbed

The Queen Margaret Union has come across hard times and I think many of the current changes will isolate former members and do nothing to get more students involved. A union that has had such a rich and vibrant history will be gutted to the point where it’s just a bar and a venue for hire. This will lead to either the SRC or the University absorbing it. If it is the latter, I think it will be demolished. In the meantime, we might even see them make a last-ditch effort to try to join the NUS, and once again fail. This one would be sad, and I hope I’m wrong, but it seems to be the direction we’re heading.

GUU still won’t have Tennent’s

Big Juicy fans will remain big sad. I think that this year has perhaps seen one of the more demanding movements with petitions toward the Union and Union candidates even discussing it in their manifestos. Despite this, there has been no foreseen progress. It appears that the Union might not be able to justify the costs and I don’t foresee beer prices suddenly tanking in the next 10 years. But for how long will capitalism oppress the gentle student? The bourgeoisie, the board, have stolen and hidden the means of alcohol from the students. The students of Glasgow have nothing to lose but their sobriety. Members of all unions unite!

Adam Smith building will be destroyed

Quite frankly this shouldn’t have to be a prediction; it should just be done. The Adam Smith building is ugly, has a confusing layout, and is literally the worst. It’s not very accessible for disabled students – even the lift, which breaks down often, doesn’t reach every floor. It’s taken until right now to attempt to fix this issue, although the implementation of a new lift will take until the end of May this year! Frankly, I’m surprised that this building is still allowed to exist under code.

Glasknow 7.0?

The now infamous Facebook page has perhaps brought this Uni together and split it apart like no other. While it is annoying with the fight for top fan badges and to hear everyone’s library crush, it is more addictive than crack cocaine. I think that despite rival meme pages, University officials, and whatever the Zucc have instore, we can expect a new iteration of the page 10 years from now.

The cult of Boyd Orr

Despite the University’s best efforts to hide the Boyd Orr, be it cladding or building around it, the galvanised passion for this arbitrary building will reach new heights. There is already a petition to make it a national landmark, so the next logical step is to make a religion of the building, with hymns and strange ecclesiastical structure. The absurd obsession will become even more absurd. Will they sacrifice to the portrait of Boyd Orr? Or will they evangelise the non-believers through leaflets by the library? One tenement of this new faith that I believe would be quite fitting would be to lobby to get an image of the building incorporated into the University crest.

Hyperloop to the St. Andrews building and Garscube

This is where Elon Musk needs to come into the clutch. With construction pushing many classes to the St. Andrews building, more students now know the marathon-length sprint that is running from the other side of Gilmore Hill to St. Andrews. This sprint will become nearly impossible as the campus expands towards the Western Infirmary. The hyperloop is clearly the ideal option. Imagine it taking mere fractions of a second to get from one building to another. The hyperloop would also be ideal to get to Garscube, where GUSA will have their new gym, as the Stevie will feel a bit cramped as more and more students come to Glasgow.

Rajou will be made rector

Rajou’s and Rajou’s 2 have been staples of university life and Rajou has served rather thanklessly. From waking up early to make samosas, to refusing alcohol sales to drunk students, he has served the area with distinction. He’s seen us at our best and at our worst. He’s a man of high class, playing CNN videos on his phone, and listening to jazz and classical music all day in his shop. After Rajou’s 3 opens, he will be building a corner store empire. It will only be right we reward him with rectorship.

Murano will be demolished

We can only hope.